Ok. You asked for it. Here it is.

If you guys didn't know, I've been working at Kmart. Not just any old Kmart. A Kmart in East Los Angeles. Now for those not familiar with East L.A., let me explain a couple of things. East L.A. is historically a Latino community. Espanol is the first language. But guess what. Me no speak espanol. So with that being said, you could only imagine the problems that I face daily.

One of the major problems is the language barrier. After I explain to them in my best accent that I speak no espanol, I am often times accosted with, "Why not?" Now for those of you who don't know, I am Black (African American, Negro, Colored) and I failed Spanish class twice. So imagine my outrage when asked why I don't speak Spanish. I have to bite my tongue, shrug my shoulders and find a translator. What I really want to come back with is, "This is America and the official language is English you smelly, fat, old lady." But that would be oh so wrong. Probably cost me the job too.

Some days I work in the electronics department where I am assaulted by the dumbest questions in the world. Questions like: "Why does this one cost more than that one?" "How long will the batteries last in this one?" "Which one of these identical products is better?" Give me a fucking break! I am not the Sony Panasonic GE Sanyo Zenith Energizer Duracell RCA representative. Read the fucking packaging moron. That's all that I can do for you. Customer service my ass. There is only so much that a lunatic can take. I mean one day, some crazy chick comes up to me with some educational shit for kids. She brings this big ass box and an accessory clearly branded with the same name. She then asks if the little book goes with the damn thing. So me being the asshole that I am tells her,"Ummm. I don't know." She then asks if my co-worker would know. I'm like, "Ummm. I doubt it. He doesn't have kids either." She then tells us that we're useless. So I just smiled and said, " Thank you for shopping at Kmart." How's that for customer service.

My car is a piece of crap. Yesterday I went on a mission to get a tune-up and oil change. I also needed a serpentine belt tensioner that I broke about 3 years ago. So I'm at this place getting all tuned up and lubed when I decided to ask if they could replace my thingamabob. I was quoted 80 bucks. So I was like OK. Do it. Then the guy orders the part. It gets there and he's like, "Oh. This is not what I expected. The part is $109 and the labor will be $100." I'm like 100 knots on your fucking head. Fuck that. Just tune and lube me and I'll get the part myself and play mechanic. So I go down to a Kragen auto center Price the part at $81.49. Told the guy helping me that the place across the street was trying to rob me. He agreed. We looked at the installation instructions. Not too hard he says. I'm thinking to myself if only he knew how much scraped off skin was under the hood of my car. I am a klutz. So then I tell him to give me a second. I go into the parking lot, pop the hood and look at the task before me. I decide that since I have 2 days off, I could probably figure it out. And if it gets too bad I'll find a shade tree mechanic to give me a hand. So I go back in and talk to the guy. We talked about the Point of No Return and the estimated time it would take a novice to perform this feat (3 hours). And how easy it would be just to put everything back if I couldn't handle it. Yeah. Really easy.

Long story short. I buy the part, drive home, grab my Grandpa's toolbox and get to work. I finished the job in 2.5 hours. Scraped of a little skin as I was trying to put the belt back on. Felt really proud of my accomplishment and smiled inwardly for a couple of hours. I am the shit.

Oh yeah. Shionedy. Funny story. Thanks for sharing. Revenge is in order. But not right now.

Ladessa... Yo booty baby. Yeah I'm quiet and a jerk but you goota love me. Ha. Communicate these.

Meka... I know it's been awhile but my wrists hurt from wiping so much. I blame my accelerated metabolism.

Everyone else... My bad. I shook all of the powder out of my Etch-A-Sketch. Sorry it took so long. Remember to tell me how much this sucks.

Adios

Lonnell aka Lonlot aka jonindacenter aka Stopdropandroll.